To Kneel or Not to Kneel: That is the Question

Ok Friends, so here is the deal.  I am not going to sit here and type that I agree or disagree with whether or not to kneel during the national anthem.  I think that this topic is extremely controversial, and there is hurt on both sides.  What I am asking everyone to do is take a deep breath and take 1... maybe 15 steps back.

When all of this started I found the entire thing repugnant like many.  However, God has really been working on my heart this year in the realm of race.  These realizations started upon rewatching The Help on TV as silly as that may sound.  The Help was based in the 1960s.  My mother was born in 1955, which is the same year as the Montgomery Bus Boycott.  My mother can remember feeling nervous upon seeing the KKK walking around in hoods during the daytime in Freeport, IL as a teen.  The Jim Crow law ended in 1965. MLK Jr was assassinated in 1968.  The point here is that this was not that long ago.  My mother cannot even qualify for social security.

This month one of these football players, who is a black man, had a gun pulled on him following the Maywhether-McGregor fight.  As people were leaving they believed they heard shots fired.  He, along with everyone else in the area, ran.  He had officers pull a gun on him.  Again, not wanting to debate this heavily, but do you all want to know what the probability that that would have happened to me is?  I would say 0%.

I am a young, white, typically dressed, ginger, female.  I am in a demographic that strangers will ask me to take photos of their families next to pumpkins with their $1000 cell phones, without fear of me stealing it.  If I walk behind someone and startle them and they turn around with fear, it melts to relief, because I do not in any way look threatening to them.

I have not one time in my life been a victim of a racist comment or action, other than the fact that I dance quite Caucasian.  Never in my life has someone looked at me and grabbed their purses tighter or locked their doors in fear.  No one has ever looked at my white husband and I in disgust as we walked down the street holding hands.

What is the point of this?  It is that 1) Almost universal racism was not that long ago.  2) Most of us do not fully understand this issue, because we have never been in the shoes of the men who kneel.

I understand that there is hurt behind this topic, which is why I do not have a firm stance on the mode of protest, but just remember that there is hurt on both sides.  This is a peaceful protest.  No one is burning down a city or smashing in windows.  It is a statement that there is a problem in this country whether or not the mode is correct.

So to kneel or not to kneel is NOT the question.  The question is what can we do to combat this hurt and this crisis in our day?

#1 First AND Always: PRAY!  Pray for our own hearts.  Pray that we will not judge anyone based on color.  Pray for the hurt on every side of this issue
#2: Put your love for God and for people above the issues.  We are never going to agree on everything, but we can love people. So often we look at the issues over the people.  
#3: Seek that understanding.  Talk to people who have experienced racism first hand.  Talk with those who have a different perspective.  
#4: Change the narrative.  If someone says something racist or something narrow minded, state that you do not resonate with that.  
#5: Take 1... maybe 15 steps back and a few deep breaths.  

Staying Eternity Focused in Any Season

There are different SEASONS of life.  Some people believe that these seasons take a temporal course, meaning that we are born and are in the spring of life and by old age, we have reached winter.  I, however, believe that these seasons wax and wane.  

When I am in a season of winter, it is easy for me to cast my eyes vertically and focus on the Lord.  When I am in spring and God gives me new blessings following a winter, I have a thankful heart and turn that into praise.  In fall, when things are beginning to turn, I cast my cares on him.  As you may have guessed, I have been in the last season to be mentioned for quite a while, and that is summer.  

Summer is a blessing.  It is a time when things are just going really well.  While having two new babies with a 2 year old may seem insane to many, I have never been happier.  My husband is literally my best friend and all time favorite person, I have a son who ASKS for hugs and kisses a hundred times a day, and I have 2 new babies who are incredible.  Things are great, and overall they have been for awhile.  

What is the problem then, you may ask?  In spring, we are happy and praising Jesus in our bathing suits the first time we get a 40 degree day, but in summer we get accustomed to it being beautiful almost every day.  We are babies on those few days that it is gross.  

Overall, we stop being thankful and trade it in for complacency.  The first time that we have a 60 degree day we have a heart attack.  We just get too comfortable.  This is dangerous, and is something that I have become really aware of recently.  

It all began at church last week.  We sang the Phil Wickham song, Beautiful.  The bridge goes as follows...

When we arrive at eternity's shore 

Where death is just a memory and tears are no more

We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring

Your bride will come together and we'll sing

Your beautiful

Singing that verse made me super excited about eternity and shifted my gaze off of the horizontal.  It made me realize that is where I have been hanging out lately.  I have been in the word and praying, but I have not been looking up.  That is not good for many reasons, but here are the biggest 2.

1) I have been focusing on good things over the best thing.  I have been focusing on the gift over the giver of all good things.  In doing so, I have been depriving my family of my best.  I am never a better wife or mother than when I am focused on God and daily submitting to and placing Jesus first.  

2) It is extremely dangerous for when this season ends.  Summer always goes too fast.  Everyone says it... "You will blink, and your kids will be grown up and gone." I am sure that the days of singing songs before bedtime, kissing owies, laughs whenever we try to be funny, and all of the random snuggles and hugs are extremely numbered.  

What happens if my focus is horizontal and this ends?  I will crumble.  We have all seen this and/or experienced this ourselves.  I love Joel to death, but I also love being a mom of sweet boys.  When they leave the house and start their own lives and families, that will be challenging, but if the here and now is all that I have been focusing on, it will be crushing.  If I am focused on and rooted to my firm foundation and rock, I am told that I am victorious and a conqueror.  I have an awareness that God works all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose (Romans 12:28).  Not because of myself, but through GRACE by a loving and perfect God.  

If I shift my gaze towards heaven, nothing can shake me, because heaven is going to be awesome.  Death will be a memory and tears will be no more.  I will be with Jesus.  That thought can get us through any season, and we cannot forget this truth in summer.  

To hammer it home even more, I was reading Psalms tonight and read this in Psalm 17:13-14...

Arise, O LORD! Confront him, subdue him!

Deliver my soul from the wicked by your sword,

from men by your hand, O LORD,

from men of the world whose portion is in this life.

You fill their womb with treasure;

they are satisfied with children,

and they leave their abundance to their infants.

Let's leave a legacy through our kids, BUT don't let that be the end.  Leave a legacy of someone who follows Jesus and is fervent for him.  Don't let these sweet moments of this world be your portion. Don't get complacent in summer, if that is your current season.  Take notice of the beauty and then turn your gaze up and turn it into praise.  Only then can we go from enjoying the good things, to enjoying the BEST things, and only then can we be prepared for the Autumns and Winters to come.

    

Bottoms Up

This blog post is an accumulation of a number of things that the Lord has been placing on my heart.  I am doing a wonderful women's ministry study on Philippians by Matt Chandler this semester.  Last week he challenged me with what makes me yearn for Christ and what prevents me from pursing him.  He asked us what makes us feel that intimacy with Christ and what gets in the way.  That has made me rethink and reprioritize what my day looks like to attempt to have an interaction with the Lord first thing in my day.  

This thought corresponds with another pull on my heart lately related to pop culture.  It is in relation to the number one book and movie in America right now.  You may have guessed it, and no, I have no plans of having Mr Grey see me now or anytime ever.  In fact the entire phenomenon of these books and new movie have promoted multiple soapbox rants to my husband about how much I dislike everything about it.  I am not going to get into my thoughts about 50 Shades other than Philippians 4:8.  You are welcome to read any of the countless blogs that discuss the series. 

What bothers me is not my soap box against 50 Shades, because I do see the topic as black and white and stand by that.  What bothers me about this is my top down approach that I can have on life.  My undergrad is in psychology, and I will always remember Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs.  Perhaps you remember the diagram.  

  

You have to have the bottom tier covered before you can move up.  If you do not have food and water, you will die.  Whether or not you feel a sense of belonging is meaningless if you are malnourished and dead.  This does not discount the importance of belonging.  It just isn't as necessary as physiological.    

This is how I believe that we should view our Christian walks.  I could complain about 50 Shades, a disregard for unborn life, the holes in the theory of evolution, or a plethora of other topics with a willing ear until my face turns blue.  I can do this whether I am filled with the Lord or distant.  I think that these "Issues" could be grouped with works and theology.  All of which are very important, but are meaningless unless we start with that base tear of Jesus Christ. 

If I am not pursuing the Lord and loving his people, it does not matter whether or not I believe in a pre or post tribulation rapture or whether I hate 50 Shades of Terrible Literature.  I need to...

1) Ask myself whether or not I am actively pursuing Jesus and resting in the good news of his gospel

2) Loving his people

3) Being obedient in FOLLOWING and OBEYING the word and shaping my life around the truth that it contains  

When we debate issues and do not love the person that we are talking with with a Christ like love, it shows.  Joelle Merrifield is a global partner of our church, Harvest Bible Chapel, and she shared tonight about how her and her family share the gospel with individuals of the Muslim faith.  It was not through hitting them on the head with the issues, it was through loving the Lord, loving them, and developing relationships.  After those two tiers were established, God opened up opportunities for dialogue.   

My words and actions are meaningless unless I am loving people, and my capacity to love people is deficient unless I am loving the Lord.  Everything needs to start with Jesus.  

   

It is the Holiday Season: Time to FLEX

Most of us have been there.  We join a new fitness class.  We have fun, but we also feel like we may not make it, and the next day our muscles are dead.  My first memories that come to mind would include the first week of track/cross country in high school each year, and when I joined a body pump class at the YMCA before our wedding.  The first week of running sports I felt as if I could barely walk for days.  After the first pump class I drove my car primarily with my knees, because my arms felt like spaghetti.  You get the gist.  You can probably relate.

This is how many of us feel during the holiday season.  Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE that time of year between Thanksgiving and New Years.  I love almost everything about it.  I love the special perspective of Christ coming to earth as a baby that is so special to reflect on each year.  I love the decorations, movies, gift buying, food, and the amazing opportunity to spend time with our family.  We do not see them enough, so this is a really incredible time each year.  We love our family!!

However, it can also be a trying time on occasion.  It can really work my love muscles.  We get to be in close quarters with those who we love the most, but also have the ability to get under our skin the easiest.  I am sure that I am not the only one to take things from family more personal than friends or acquaintances.  I am also sure that I am not the only person who has gotten in the car after an event and had a time devoted to all of the lovely parts of the day, as well as things that may have disappointed me.

I have had times where I have asked everyone and their dog questions about work, school, home life, hobbies, and have had 0 reciprocation regarding my work, school, home life, and/or hobbies.  I have had times where I have had some really cool things going on in school or clinicals that I would have loved to share with loved ones, but no one at a given event seemed to have any interest.  I have left feeling hurt at times as a result.

However, I must ask myself what my motivation is for asking.  I truly love to talk with people and hear their stories.  Yet, I also have the expectation that people will have an equal desire to hear what I have to say.  That is not anyone else's problem but mine.  The problem is my heart, emotions, and expectations.  Those 3 areas can get us into a lot of trouble when our love muscles are out of shape or having an off day.

I took a Wife of Noble Character class at church the year before we were married and they gave an incredible definition for love.  I will remember if forever.  It will convict me until my dying day, because it will never be easy.

 Love is giving of yourself to meet someone else's needs, whether they deserve it or not, and expecting nothing in return.  

That last part is sure a killer for me.

This time of year is a time when, as a believer, my grace and love have to be in shape, because loving like God calls us to is HARD.  We need to be prayed up and full.  So that if something does push us over the edge, fail to meet our expectation, or hurt our feelings, rather than car slander, unconditional love and grace will pour out of us.

This is also a time of year where we may be stretched into having to bear one another's burdens.  We may feel like to bear one of those burdens would be equivalent to lifting an automobile.

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.  Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.  Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.  -Galatians 6:1-2 (ESV)  

This is no easy task.  Sometimes I do not even have a clue how I can practically live this out. That is where prayer is so vital.  Talking to God, as well as listening for an answer.  Being in the word and seeking out truth, as well as seeking intimacy with God is HUGE.  It prepares us for our workout, because when we are close to Jesus, we are not alone.  We have added strength.

This is not to say that we will not feel sore after.  We may arrive at that workout class, feel like we are going to die the entire time, and then barely move the next day.  Sometimes that is what unconditional love, grace, and bearing one another's burdens looks like.  However, it does mean that we do not leave early, take one million water breaks, or switch to an easier class.

It means that we, not only show the love of Jesus to everyone AT the party, but also when we are talking about our visit in THE CAR afterwards with our husbands.  It means that if someone is going through something that we do not understand and truth has already been shared and/or they are not at a point to hear it/respond, we love on them anyways and lift them up to Jesus.

The more that we practice this phenomena of obedience, the more that we glorify the Lord, find fullness and joy in him, and the stronger our love muscles get.  That body pump class did not give me spaghetti arms forever.  It gave me strength.  Just like track.  It gave me speed.  If we do not work these muscles, they will atrophy.

This holiday season I challenge you, and myself, to love deeper and harder than we have before.  I challenge that we fill ourselves up with the one who gives life, joy, and peace, and that we pour out those blessings on everyone that we see.  I challenge us to truly be thankful for the reason for the season, and all of the other blessings that we do not deserve.  I challenge that we will bear one another's burdens, love, encourage, and flex our love muscles all the way to a new year.

Praising God Unconditionally

On my way home from work today, God really convicted me through Matt Redman's song, Your Grace Finds Me.   The bridge of the song is...

"I am breathing in your grace

And breathing out your praise

I am breathing in your grace

Forever, I'll be..."  

This made me think about how some of those words are unconditional, while others are a choice. 

If we have accepted the gift that Christ has given us through his death on the cross for our sins, we will always breath in his grace.  We do not have to ask for salvation daily.  We ask God to be the Lord of our lives, and through Jesus, it is finished.  He just is.  We get to partake in the joy of breathing his grace in with every single breath.  It is unconditional.  

Lamentations 3:22-23

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, 

for his compassions never fail.  

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.  

God's mercies and compassions never fail and are new every morning.  All we breath in is grace.  The natural result should be exhaling praise to a God who deserves all of it and more.  

It makes sense, but is that the case? 

We prefer to look to our emotion rather than truth.  We tend to look at our current situation, rather than what is truly important.  When I think of someone who knew how to praise God regardless of his circumstance, I think of David.  David knew how to praise God and David had varying degrees of happiness and torment.  

• David was annointed as king through Samuel by God in 1 Samuel 16 even though he was the youngest and least likely of Jesse's 8 sons.  
• David entered King Saul's service and gained a great deal of favor with Saul, becoming one of his armor bearers.  
• David had faith that enabled a boy to take down a giant super soldier with a sling shot.   
• David became like a brother to Saul's son and heir.  
• David was promised one of Saul's daughters, and married her.
• David had huge success in battle and was loved by all.  
• Saul grew fear and jealousy of David.
• Saul pursued David and attempted to kill him on multiple occasions.
• Saul forced David into hiding and on the run for a couple of years.
• David had to beg for bread.
• David eventually became king, only to find out that his best friend had been killed.  
• David had enemies L and R trying to overthrow him.  Even his own son.  
• He lost a child.
• He had all sorts of lady troubles (as a result of his own sin- not perfect).
• David often wrote about feeling of abandonment and heartache in many of the Psalms that he wrote.  

HOWEVER...

David knew how to praise the LORD

Those psalms that began with a tormented man, ended with a vertical focus on a God bigger than his situation.  Many of his psalms, were just praises in their entirety.  David was not perfect by any means, but David was able to see the big picture.  It is not our situation.  We are constantly breathing in grace, and that should result in praise 100% of the time.  

How that praise looks can vary. 

Sometimes we praise God on the mountaintop. 

Sometimes we praise him through dance.

While other times we praise him with our faces on the floor, because that is all that we can muster. 

Emotion, situation, and posture are irrelevant.  What is relevant is that God deserves it!!  If you look at the end of the song lyric, it ends with "Forever, I'll be...".  This forever piece is looking to heaven.  That is what we are going to do.  We are going to be at a huge party.  I am not capable of imagining what that will look like exactly, but I do know the main attraction.  We are going to be praising our King.  

Why wait to praise him indefinitely?

Lets stop looking to the temporal and decide to look to the eternal.

Let's begin now with each and every breath.  

Finding Your Value

This blog post is one that is very personal and near and dear to my heart.  Looking at those pictures reminds me of someone that I once would do anything to be.  I was willing to go to bed hungry, throw up meals, obsessively count calories, and exercise fanatically in order to be her.  Being thin was where I found my value.

I was always obsessed with weight.  I was a heavy child, and I was never happy with myself.  When I was in junior high I began to dip my toe into the world of bulimia.  I struggled with this from varying degrees until I was 19 years old.  I started dating my husband when I was 17.  He knew that this was an issue fairly early on, but never knew how to help.  One day he asked and I told him that if we could both start eating very healthy together I would try to stop.  I quit cold turkey after that day and never did it again.

I used to think that this was when my problem stopped.  That was not the case.  That is when I stopped throwing up, but an eating disorder begins in our hearts and in our heads.  I did not just eat healthy.  I became obsessed with nutrition.  I would count calories like it was my job.  It started with 1000 calories/day and eventually I let myself do 1100.  I even went as far as measuring my cereal and milk in the morning.  When Joel would ask me how my day was going, I would tell him how I ate that day.  If I slipped up and ate a brownie I would feel so bad that I would eat 3 brownies and my day would be shot.  It was at that point in life that I lost a significant amount of weight.  I dropped 20 lbs below my normal healthy weight.  I was so thin that I feared that I would not be able to have children, because fertility was certainly not possible at the time.

My weight has varied since that time.  I have slowly transitioned back to my healthy high school weight.  My weight is not the topic of this blog though.  It is my value.  Where my weight was once the deciding variable, it is finally something that can sustain me, and that is my value as a Child of God and my new role as a mother.

It has finally all clicked into place.  I have been transitioning slowly into finding my value in the Lord for years.  I have prayed for inward beauty that would reflect a proverbs 31 woman.  Having a child has really been the final piece of the puzzle.  After having Jimmy I came home from the hospital 22 lbs heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight.  However, that weight never weighed me down.  I am a mom now.  I had no idea how amazing being a mom would be, but it is truly the best I have felt in my life.  Having another person completely dependent on me, really puts priorities into prospective.

There are things that really matter in this world and numbers on the scale or a pair of jeans are not among them.  My relationship with God is important.  It has a huge affect on what kind of wife and what kind of mother I am.  My relationship with my husband is important.  He is my best friend and the quality of that friendship is paramount.  My relationship with my son is important.  I need to make him feel loved and cared for.  Eating healthy is one way that I care for him, love on my husband, and glorify God.  It should not go out the window.  Our bodies are temples created by God, not trash receptacles.  I show my husband love by taking care of myself and attempting to look nice for him.  Additionally, our baby is dependent on me for all of his nutrition, which means I need to put some healthy food inside of me.          

Health is important.  However, weight should not define us.  If we want to go out for ice cream or have a cookie, it should have no say in regards to the quality of our day or even bigger, ourselves.  Outward beauty should never be our defining feature.  It should always be our inward beauty that we work to build.

I am so glad that God has finally taught me how to overcome an unhealthy thought process that has plagued me since childhood.  I was enslaved, like so many other women, to something that has never left me satisfied.  I cannot express how thankful I am that years of harm on my body has not hindered me from having children.  I have been fortunate to have slowly lost my baby weight, but this is just my first child and I am only 24 years old.  Lord willing, we would love to have a big family.  I am sure that each child will affect me a little more as I age, but I will never let those changes weigh me down.  I am putting my worth in a God who is never changing and always sustaining.  I know where my value is and I know who defines me.  I pray that anyone reading this who feels enslaved to a standard that they will never reach will break free and know the freedom that is in Jesus Christ.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:30 

For God so Loved the World

Our little man is now 6 weeks old.  I love him so much, and it grows daily.  I am nervous that my heart may explode by week 10, because it is beginning to get out of hand.  I even love his cute little cry.  He makes the most adorable face when he cries, and it melts my heart.  I have been married to my husband, Joel, for two years and we have been together seven.  I have a deeper love for him, and I hope that I always will.  I love my husband more than any other person.

Yet, the type of love that I feel for my two men is very different.  My love that I have for my husband is rooted in a deep respect and admiration for him as a son of God, leader, man, husband, and now father. It is an intimate love, both emotionally and physically.  If I could sum up my love for my son in one word, it would be protective.  I have never felt a desire to protect someone this strongly in my entire life.  He has changed me to my core.  We went on a family walk two days ago and my husband was carrying Jimmy.  A car started backing up towards them, and I immediately moved to the car side without blinking.  It was not a thought.  It was an unconscious response to a threatening stimulus.  I would give my life for him.  I would do anything to keep him from harm.  He is priceless.

This revelation of how it feels to be a parent has rocked me.  Most of us can quote John 3:16 if we have been in the church world for any length of time.  We can spew it out without giving it any thought, because we have become numb to its power.  The gospel message of God sending his son into the world as a BABY for the sole purpose of dying a terrible death and rising from that grave in order to save the very sinners that put him there has new meaning to me now that I am a parent.  I am not capable of this.  We are made in the image of God. Virtually all parents feel the need to protect their children.  This is a feeling that we get from our father in heaven.  He felt protective over his son, but he gave him regardless.

"For God so loved the world..." is not something to spew out of our mouths without giving those powerful words thought, reverence, and praise.  Those words should bring us to our knees every single time we hear them.  It is a saving love, if we accept it and make him Lord of our lives.  That is a love that I am not capable of understanding, but am so thankful that I have received.  I praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead.  God gave us his son out of love, and Jesus paid it all.