It is the Holiday Season: Time to FLEX

Most of us have been there.  We join a new fitness class.  We have fun, but we also feel like we may not make it, and the next day our muscles are dead.  My first memories that come to mind would include the first week of track/cross country in high school each year, and when I joined a body pump class at the YMCA before our wedding.  The first week of running sports I felt as if I could barely walk for days.  After the first pump class I drove my car primarily with my knees, because my arms felt like spaghetti.  You get the gist.  You can probably relate.

This is how many of us feel during the holiday season.  Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE that time of year between Thanksgiving and New Years.  I love almost everything about it.  I love the special perspective of Christ coming to earth as a baby that is so special to reflect on each year.  I love the decorations, movies, gift buying, food, and the amazing opportunity to spend time with our family.  We do not see them enough, so this is a really incredible time each year.  We love our family!!

However, it can also be a trying time on occasion.  It can really work my love muscles.  We get to be in close quarters with those who we love the most, but also have the ability to get under our skin the easiest.  I am sure that I am not the only one to take things from family more personal than friends or acquaintances.  I am also sure that I am not the only person who has gotten in the car after an event and had a time devoted to all of the lovely parts of the day, as well as things that may have disappointed me.

I have had times where I have asked everyone and their dog questions about work, school, home life, hobbies, and have had 0 reciprocation regarding my work, school, home life, and/or hobbies.  I have had times where I have had some really cool things going on in school or clinicals that I would have loved to share with loved ones, but no one at a given event seemed to have any interest.  I have left feeling hurt at times as a result.

However, I must ask myself what my motivation is for asking.  I truly love to talk with people and hear their stories.  Yet, I also have the expectation that people will have an equal desire to hear what I have to say.  That is not anyone else's problem but mine.  The problem is my heart, emotions, and expectations.  Those 3 areas can get us into a lot of trouble when our love muscles are out of shape or having an off day.

I took a Wife of Noble Character class at church the year before we were married and they gave an incredible definition for love.  I will remember if forever.  It will convict me until my dying day, because it will never be easy.

 Love is giving of yourself to meet someone else's needs, whether they deserve it or not, and expecting nothing in return.  

That last part is sure a killer for me.

This time of year is a time when, as a believer, my grace and love have to be in shape, because loving like God calls us to is HARD.  We need to be prayed up and full.  So that if something does push us over the edge, fail to meet our expectation, or hurt our feelings, rather than car slander, unconditional love and grace will pour out of us.

This is also a time of year where we may be stretched into having to bear one another's burdens.  We may feel like to bear one of those burdens would be equivalent to lifting an automobile.

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.  Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.  Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.  -Galatians 6:1-2 (ESV)  

This is no easy task.  Sometimes I do not even have a clue how I can practically live this out. That is where prayer is so vital.  Talking to God, as well as listening for an answer.  Being in the word and seeking out truth, as well as seeking intimacy with God is HUGE.  It prepares us for our workout, because when we are close to Jesus, we are not alone.  We have added strength.

This is not to say that we will not feel sore after.  We may arrive at that workout class, feel like we are going to die the entire time, and then barely move the next day.  Sometimes that is what unconditional love, grace, and bearing one another's burdens looks like.  However, it does mean that we do not leave early, take one million water breaks, or switch to an easier class.

It means that we, not only show the love of Jesus to everyone AT the party, but also when we are talking about our visit in THE CAR afterwards with our husbands.  It means that if someone is going through something that we do not understand and truth has already been shared and/or they are not at a point to hear it/respond, we love on them anyways and lift them up to Jesus.

The more that we practice this phenomena of obedience, the more that we glorify the Lord, find fullness and joy in him, and the stronger our love muscles get.  That body pump class did not give me spaghetti arms forever.  It gave me strength.  Just like track.  It gave me speed.  If we do not work these muscles, they will atrophy.

This holiday season I challenge you, and myself, to love deeper and harder than we have before.  I challenge that we fill ourselves up with the one who gives life, joy, and peace, and that we pour out those blessings on everyone that we see.  I challenge us to truly be thankful for the reason for the season, and all of the other blessings that we do not deserve.  I challenge that we will bear one another's burdens, love, encourage, and flex our love muscles all the way to a new year.

Praising God Unconditionally

On my way home from work today, God really convicted me through Matt Redman's song, Your Grace Finds Me.   The bridge of the song is...

"I am breathing in your grace

And breathing out your praise

I am breathing in your grace

Forever, I'll be..."  

This made me think about how some of those words are unconditional, while others are a choice. 

If we have accepted the gift that Christ has given us through his death on the cross for our sins, we will always breath in his grace.  We do not have to ask for salvation daily.  We ask God to be the Lord of our lives, and through Jesus, it is finished.  He just is.  We get to partake in the joy of breathing his grace in with every single breath.  It is unconditional.  

Lamentations 3:22-23

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, 

for his compassions never fail.  

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.  

God's mercies and compassions never fail and are new every morning.  All we breath in is grace.  The natural result should be exhaling praise to a God who deserves all of it and more.  

It makes sense, but is that the case? 

We prefer to look to our emotion rather than truth.  We tend to look at our current situation, rather than what is truly important.  When I think of someone who knew how to praise God regardless of his circumstance, I think of David.  David knew how to praise God and David had varying degrees of happiness and torment.  

• David was annointed as king through Samuel by God in 1 Samuel 16 even though he was the youngest and least likely of Jesse's 8 sons.  
• David entered King Saul's service and gained a great deal of favor with Saul, becoming one of his armor bearers.  
• David had faith that enabled a boy to take down a giant super soldier with a sling shot.   
• David became like a brother to Saul's son and heir.  
• David was promised one of Saul's daughters, and married her.
• David had huge success in battle and was loved by all.  
• Saul grew fear and jealousy of David.
• Saul pursued David and attempted to kill him on multiple occasions.
• Saul forced David into hiding and on the run for a couple of years.
• David had to beg for bread.
• David eventually became king, only to find out that his best friend had been killed.  
• David had enemies L and R trying to overthrow him.  Even his own son.  
• He lost a child.
• He had all sorts of lady troubles (as a result of his own sin- not perfect).
• David often wrote about feeling of abandonment and heartache in many of the Psalms that he wrote.  

HOWEVER...

David knew how to praise the LORD

Those psalms that began with a tormented man, ended with a vertical focus on a God bigger than his situation.  Many of his psalms, were just praises in their entirety.  David was not perfect by any means, but David was able to see the big picture.  It is not our situation.  We are constantly breathing in grace, and that should result in praise 100% of the time.  

How that praise looks can vary. 

Sometimes we praise God on the mountaintop. 

Sometimes we praise him through dance.

While other times we praise him with our faces on the floor, because that is all that we can muster. 

Emotion, situation, and posture are irrelevant.  What is relevant is that God deserves it!!  If you look at the end of the song lyric, it ends with "Forever, I'll be...".  This forever piece is looking to heaven.  That is what we are going to do.  We are going to be at a huge party.  I am not capable of imagining what that will look like exactly, but I do know the main attraction.  We are going to be praising our King.  

Why wait to praise him indefinitely?

Lets stop looking to the temporal and decide to look to the eternal.

Let's begin now with each and every breath.  

Finding Your Value

This blog post is one that is very personal and near and dear to my heart.  Looking at those pictures reminds me of someone that I once would do anything to be.  I was willing to go to bed hungry, throw up meals, obsessively count calories, and exercise fanatically in order to be her.  Being thin was where I found my value.

I was always obsessed with weight.  I was a heavy child, and I was never happy with myself.  When I was in junior high I began to dip my toe into the world of bulimia.  I struggled with this from varying degrees until I was 19 years old.  I started dating my husband when I was 17.  He knew that this was an issue fairly early on, but never knew how to help.  One day he asked and I told him that if we could both start eating very healthy together I would try to stop.  I quit cold turkey after that day and never did it again.

I used to think that this was when my problem stopped.  That was not the case.  That is when I stopped throwing up, but an eating disorder begins in our hearts and in our heads.  I did not just eat healthy.  I became obsessed with nutrition.  I would count calories like it was my job.  It started with 1000 calories/day and eventually I let myself do 1100.  I even went as far as measuring my cereal and milk in the morning.  When Joel would ask me how my day was going, I would tell him how I ate that day.  If I slipped up and ate a brownie I would feel so bad that I would eat 3 brownies and my day would be shot.  It was at that point in life that I lost a significant amount of weight.  I dropped 20 lbs below my normal healthy weight.  I was so thin that I feared that I would not be able to have children, because fertility was certainly not possible at the time.

My weight has varied since that time.  I have slowly transitioned back to my healthy high school weight.  My weight is not the topic of this blog though.  It is my value.  Where my weight was once the deciding variable, it is finally something that can sustain me, and that is my value as a Child of God and my new role as a mother.

It has finally all clicked into place.  I have been transitioning slowly into finding my value in the Lord for years.  I have prayed for inward beauty that would reflect a proverbs 31 woman.  Having a child has really been the final piece of the puzzle.  After having Jimmy I came home from the hospital 22 lbs heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight.  However, that weight never weighed me down.  I am a mom now.  I had no idea how amazing being a mom would be, but it is truly the best I have felt in my life.  Having another person completely dependent on me, really puts priorities into prospective.

There are things that really matter in this world and numbers on the scale or a pair of jeans are not among them.  My relationship with God is important.  It has a huge affect on what kind of wife and what kind of mother I am.  My relationship with my husband is important.  He is my best friend and the quality of that friendship is paramount.  My relationship with my son is important.  I need to make him feel loved and cared for.  Eating healthy is one way that I care for him, love on my husband, and glorify God.  It should not go out the window.  Our bodies are temples created by God, not trash receptacles.  I show my husband love by taking care of myself and attempting to look nice for him.  Additionally, our baby is dependent on me for all of his nutrition, which means I need to put some healthy food inside of me.          

Health is important.  However, weight should not define us.  If we want to go out for ice cream or have a cookie, it should have no say in regards to the quality of our day or even bigger, ourselves.  Outward beauty should never be our defining feature.  It should always be our inward beauty that we work to build.

I am so glad that God has finally taught me how to overcome an unhealthy thought process that has plagued me since childhood.  I was enslaved, like so many other women, to something that has never left me satisfied.  I cannot express how thankful I am that years of harm on my body has not hindered me from having children.  I have been fortunate to have slowly lost my baby weight, but this is just my first child and I am only 24 years old.  Lord willing, we would love to have a big family.  I am sure that each child will affect me a little more as I age, but I will never let those changes weigh me down.  I am putting my worth in a God who is never changing and always sustaining.  I know where my value is and I know who defines me.  I pray that anyone reading this who feels enslaved to a standard that they will never reach will break free and know the freedom that is in Jesus Christ.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:30 

For God so Loved the World

Our little man is now 6 weeks old.  I love him so much, and it grows daily.  I am nervous that my heart may explode by week 10, because it is beginning to get out of hand.  I even love his cute little cry.  He makes the most adorable face when he cries, and it melts my heart.  I have been married to my husband, Joel, for two years and we have been together seven.  I have a deeper love for him, and I hope that I always will.  I love my husband more than any other person.

Yet, the type of love that I feel for my two men is very different.  My love that I have for my husband is rooted in a deep respect and admiration for him as a son of God, leader, man, husband, and now father. It is an intimate love, both emotionally and physically.  If I could sum up my love for my son in one word, it would be protective.  I have never felt a desire to protect someone this strongly in my entire life.  He has changed me to my core.  We went on a family walk two days ago and my husband was carrying Jimmy.  A car started backing up towards them, and I immediately moved to the car side without blinking.  It was not a thought.  It was an unconscious response to a threatening stimulus.  I would give my life for him.  I would do anything to keep him from harm.  He is priceless.

This revelation of how it feels to be a parent has rocked me.  Most of us can quote John 3:16 if we have been in the church world for any length of time.  We can spew it out without giving it any thought, because we have become numb to its power.  The gospel message of God sending his son into the world as a BABY for the sole purpose of dying a terrible death and rising from that grave in order to save the very sinners that put him there has new meaning to me now that I am a parent.  I am not capable of this.  We are made in the image of God. Virtually all parents feel the need to protect their children.  This is a feeling that we get from our father in heaven.  He felt protective over his son, but he gave him regardless.

"For God so loved the world..." is not something to spew out of our mouths without giving those powerful words thought, reverence, and praise.  Those words should bring us to our knees every single time we hear them.  It is a saving love, if we accept it and make him Lord of our lives.  That is a love that I am not capable of understanding, but am so thankful that I have received.  I praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead.  God gave us his son out of love, and Jesus paid it all.

     

Adding a Love of your Life While Protecting Another

May 10 something fantastic happened.  The Lord blessed us, and Joel and I increased our family number by one.  James Matthew Kimberly was added to our home and our hearts.  He is amazing.  My love for him increases daily.  He is 5 weeks old tomorrow.  In that time I have spent a total of 2.5 hrs apart from him.  I have enjoyed virtually every moment with him since he has been born minus a couple crying sessions that got to me.

Biblically our priorities as believers are supposed to be...

1. God
2. Spouse
3. Children

This is contrary to what our culture tells us, which is

1.  Children
2. Children
3. Children
4. Children
5. Self
6. Spouse
7. God Who?

I have always looked at that cultural phenomenon, and said that I would never fall into this boat.  I have an awesome relationship with my husband.  He is an incredible man, and it is really just easy 99.9% of the time.  We get along great.  We have shared interests.  We are both big quality time people, and have always made this a priority.  We have a monthly marriage meeting where we discuss the good, bad, and ugly along with what we are going to do to change those areas that need improvement.  We write it all down in our marriage binder.

However, I am beginning to realize that these ideal priorities have just become even more challenging.  I have often placed my husband above God in this line-up, which ultimately shoots me in the foot.  I love Joel much better when he is second to God.  Nothing increases my capacity for love like Jesus Christ.  God IS love.  Now I am going to have to guard against putting Jimmy in that number 1 slot and dropping God down even lower then before.

New Challenges With My Relationship With God:

• Less time
• Less sleep
• Fewer ministries during the week 
• Difficult to get through a full church service without baby requiring attention

Challenges with my relationship with my husband include the following... 

• Less sleep.  Shorter fuze.  More emotional.  
• Cannot go on one on one dates yet.  
• I am home with the little man all day and know how to calm him better due to this.  I told Joel what to do all of the time as a result to my "knowledge" for most of this time.   
• He does things differently than I do, which makes me want to correct him.  
• The 6 week rule

I am learning that my marriage is going to be less easy from now on.  We are both going to have to be more intentional with our time, our words, and our actions.  I know that God knows best though.  Just like I love Joel best when he is second to God, I know that I will love Jimmy best if he is third to God and Joel.  This is going to be a new and exciting learning process.  We are newbies at this and I hope that I will be able to add to this list exponentially in the future, but here are the few things what I have learned so far in this new journey...

• Make time to be in the word and in prayer no matter what.  I do it during his nighttime feeding, because that is when everything is quiet and still.  Joel and I also like to be in the word together, and we cannot procrastinate this into our night, because it often will not happen.  
• I need to ask Joel for help if I need to get extra sleep.  I initially did not want to short his sleep at all because I am on my maternity leave and he works his butt off at work.  However, the little sleep that I was running on caught up after a couple of weeks, and it made me unpleasant.
• I need to let Joel figure out how to calm him down on his own and let him do things differently.  
• I need to seek out new ways to have quality time at home.  (Stroller walks, staying up 15-20 minutes later than Jimmy and hanging out, etc...) 
• We both need to increase our flexibility.  Sometimes we will be late, and that will not kill us.  

Our new addition is SO amazing.  I love life more every week.  I just need to make sure that while I am getting something new, I do not start the slow and long process of distancing myself from something even more important.

Walking in Faith

My name is Jessie Kimberly.  I am 24 years old.  I am a child of the most high God.  I am a wife.  I am an occupational therapist.  I am about to become a mother.  As the last sentence states my husband, Joel, and I are about to start a new and exciting phase of life.  I am 38.5 weeks pregnant with our first son, James (Jimmy) Matthew Kimberly.  We are overjoyed about our new addition.   God is very good to us and we have been very blessed.

In fact, I feel as if overall my life has just been easy for quite some time.  My last major life struggle was when I applied to my graduate program for OT.  It was very competitive.  I was originally waitlisted, and the process really grew me.  It pushed me closer to the Lord than I had ever been.  I was reading Francis Chan's book, Crazy Love, during that time and I was really learning what it felt like to have a Crazy Love for Christ.  It was a hard time, but I was being pushed and refined.  I think that the hardest part of that time was the fact that I knew exactly what I wanted, but after applying and interviewing, I had absolutely no control over whether my plan would be successful.  This helped me to rely on the Lord and have faith that whatever happened would be his will and for my good regardless of the outcome.  I was blessed with getting in that year, but I was willing to accept whatever happened.  I was at peace.

I just have not had a situation like this for four years.  Since that time I have gotten married, finished school, passed my board exam, and was hired on at my first job.  There were plenty of stressful times in between, but overall I had a significant amount of control.  School was not always easy, but I had the control over how much I studied.  Taking my board was stressful, but again, I had a solid study plan and went into it feeling fairly good.  I had a job set up prior to taking my board.  I have also had a wonderful and easy first 2 years of marriage.  I have a wonderful husband and he has made these first years incredible!  We are now getting ready for our first child, which has had its difficulties, but overall has been a joyful experience.

I have definitely grown in my walk with the Lord through this time, but I have not been pushed.  I am finishing up a women's ministry study on being a Mary in a Martha world referring primarily to Luke 10:38-42.  Martha was busy in the kitchen while Mary simply sat at Christ's feet and soaked in what he had to say.  What I have learned through the study is that kitchen service IS important, but work needs to be in conjuncture with intimacy with God.  I enjoy the work aspect of things.  My husband and I serve in junior high student ministries, we are both leaders in mens/women's ministries, and we serve in children's ministry 2xs per month for 3rd grade.  We like service, but what I realized that I was lacking in intimacy with God.  I enjoy being in his word daily, but my prayer life has a lot of room for growth, and I often serve out of routine rather than out of love for the Lord.  I have been a Martha.  

Now we are approaching a time that will have challenges, will not always be easy, but will grow me. My husband works for Chick-Fil-A and in July he will be applying for an Interim Manager program in hopes of one day becoming an owner/operator of his own store.  We are heading into a time where we will want something with all of our hearts, but will have no control over the outcome.  While I think that my husband will make an incredible owner/operator, I am not the one that will decide on whether or not he gets accepted into the program or gets his own store down the road.

I am currently reading Galatians and Paul is talking to the church about walking in faith and the freedom from Christ rather than trying to blend the law with the Gospel.  This has really hit me, because faith is not something that we as believers are able to have for salvation and then walk by works on our own accord.  Faith is something that we have to choose to walk in daily.  It needs to be apart of everything we do.

Now is a time that I need to decide to walk in faith, know that God is sovereign, rejoice in the fact that his plans are always better than mine, and as a result grow in intimacy with Christ.  My anxieties and worries are not gone.  They are just something that I am going to have to take captive daily and decide to trust the Lord instead.  It is not going to be an easy time, but I cannot express in words how excited I am to see what God is going to do inside of me.  It is such a blessing to have to rely on God.  While I love having control over everything and life being easy is fantastic, nothing is better than closeness and intimacy with the Lord.  So as our family grows and we prayerfully go down this new road, I am choosing to be a Mary.  I am choosing to sit at Jesus's feet and give him complete control.  I do not know where life will lead, but I am choosing to walk by faith and not by sight.