For God so Loved the World

Our little man is now 6 weeks old.  I love him so much, and it grows daily.  I am nervous that my heart may explode by week 10, because it is beginning to get out of hand.  I even love his cute little cry.  He makes the most adorable face when he cries, and it melts my heart.  I have been married to my husband, Joel, for two years and we have been together seven.  I have a deeper love for him, and I hope that I always will.  I love my husband more than any other person.

Yet, the type of love that I feel for my two men is very different.  My love that I have for my husband is rooted in a deep respect and admiration for him as a son of God, leader, man, husband, and now father. It is an intimate love, both emotionally and physically.  If I could sum up my love for my son in one word, it would be protective.  I have never felt a desire to protect someone this strongly in my entire life.  He has changed me to my core.  We went on a family walk two days ago and my husband was carrying Jimmy.  A car started backing up towards them, and I immediately moved to the car side without blinking.  It was not a thought.  It was an unconscious response to a threatening stimulus.  I would give my life for him.  I would do anything to keep him from harm.  He is priceless.

This revelation of how it feels to be a parent has rocked me.  Most of us can quote John 3:16 if we have been in the church world for any length of time.  We can spew it out without giving it any thought, because we have become numb to its power.  The gospel message of God sending his son into the world as a BABY for the sole purpose of dying a terrible death and rising from that grave in order to save the very sinners that put him there has new meaning to me now that I am a parent.  I am not capable of this.  We are made in the image of God. Virtually all parents feel the need to protect their children.  This is a feeling that we get from our father in heaven.  He felt protective over his son, but he gave him regardless.

"For God so loved the world..." is not something to spew out of our mouths without giving those powerful words thought, reverence, and praise.  Those words should bring us to our knees every single time we hear them.  It is a saving love, if we accept it and make him Lord of our lives.  That is a love that I am not capable of understanding, but am so thankful that I have received.  I praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead.  God gave us his son out of love, and Jesus paid it all.

     

Adding a Love of your Life While Protecting Another

May 10 something fantastic happened.  The Lord blessed us, and Joel and I increased our family number by one.  James Matthew Kimberly was added to our home and our hearts.  He is amazing.  My love for him increases daily.  He is 5 weeks old tomorrow.  In that time I have spent a total of 2.5 hrs apart from him.  I have enjoyed virtually every moment with him since he has been born minus a couple crying sessions that got to me.

Biblically our priorities as believers are supposed to be...

1. God
2. Spouse
3. Children

This is contrary to what our culture tells us, which is

1.  Children
2. Children
3. Children
4. Children
5. Self
6. Spouse
7. God Who?

I have always looked at that cultural phenomenon, and said that I would never fall into this boat.  I have an awesome relationship with my husband.  He is an incredible man, and it is really just easy 99.9% of the time.  We get along great.  We have shared interests.  We are both big quality time people, and have always made this a priority.  We have a monthly marriage meeting where we discuss the good, bad, and ugly along with what we are going to do to change those areas that need improvement.  We write it all down in our marriage binder.

However, I am beginning to realize that these ideal priorities have just become even more challenging.  I have often placed my husband above God in this line-up, which ultimately shoots me in the foot.  I love Joel much better when he is second to God.  Nothing increases my capacity for love like Jesus Christ.  God IS love.  Now I am going to have to guard against putting Jimmy in that number 1 slot and dropping God down even lower then before.

New Challenges With My Relationship With God:

• Less time
• Less sleep
• Fewer ministries during the week 
• Difficult to get through a full church service without baby requiring attention

Challenges with my relationship with my husband include the following... 

• Less sleep.  Shorter fuze.  More emotional.  
• Cannot go on one on one dates yet.  
• I am home with the little man all day and know how to calm him better due to this.  I told Joel what to do all of the time as a result to my "knowledge" for most of this time.   
• He does things differently than I do, which makes me want to correct him.  
• The 6 week rule

I am learning that my marriage is going to be less easy from now on.  We are both going to have to be more intentional with our time, our words, and our actions.  I know that God knows best though.  Just like I love Joel best when he is second to God, I know that I will love Jimmy best if he is third to God and Joel.  This is going to be a new and exciting learning process.  We are newbies at this and I hope that I will be able to add to this list exponentially in the future, but here are the few things what I have learned so far in this new journey...

• Make time to be in the word and in prayer no matter what.  I do it during his nighttime feeding, because that is when everything is quiet and still.  Joel and I also like to be in the word together, and we cannot procrastinate this into our night, because it often will not happen.  
• I need to ask Joel for help if I need to get extra sleep.  I initially did not want to short his sleep at all because I am on my maternity leave and he works his butt off at work.  However, the little sleep that I was running on caught up after a couple of weeks, and it made me unpleasant.
• I need to let Joel figure out how to calm him down on his own and let him do things differently.  
• I need to seek out new ways to have quality time at home.  (Stroller walks, staying up 15-20 minutes later than Jimmy and hanging out, etc...) 
• We both need to increase our flexibility.  Sometimes we will be late, and that will not kill us.  

Our new addition is SO amazing.  I love life more every week.  I just need to make sure that while I am getting something new, I do not start the slow and long process of distancing myself from something even more important.

Walking in Faith

My name is Jessie Kimberly.  I am 24 years old.  I am a child of the most high God.  I am a wife.  I am an occupational therapist.  I am about to become a mother.  As the last sentence states my husband, Joel, and I are about to start a new and exciting phase of life.  I am 38.5 weeks pregnant with our first son, James (Jimmy) Matthew Kimberly.  We are overjoyed about our new addition.   God is very good to us and we have been very blessed.

In fact, I feel as if overall my life has just been easy for quite some time.  My last major life struggle was when I applied to my graduate program for OT.  It was very competitive.  I was originally waitlisted, and the process really grew me.  It pushed me closer to the Lord than I had ever been.  I was reading Francis Chan's book, Crazy Love, during that time and I was really learning what it felt like to have a Crazy Love for Christ.  It was a hard time, but I was being pushed and refined.  I think that the hardest part of that time was the fact that I knew exactly what I wanted, but after applying and interviewing, I had absolutely no control over whether my plan would be successful.  This helped me to rely on the Lord and have faith that whatever happened would be his will and for my good regardless of the outcome.  I was blessed with getting in that year, but I was willing to accept whatever happened.  I was at peace.

I just have not had a situation like this for four years.  Since that time I have gotten married, finished school, passed my board exam, and was hired on at my first job.  There were plenty of stressful times in between, but overall I had a significant amount of control.  School was not always easy, but I had the control over how much I studied.  Taking my board was stressful, but again, I had a solid study plan and went into it feeling fairly good.  I had a job set up prior to taking my board.  I have also had a wonderful and easy first 2 years of marriage.  I have a wonderful husband and he has made these first years incredible!  We are now getting ready for our first child, which has had its difficulties, but overall has been a joyful experience.

I have definitely grown in my walk with the Lord through this time, but I have not been pushed.  I am finishing up a women's ministry study on being a Mary in a Martha world referring primarily to Luke 10:38-42.  Martha was busy in the kitchen while Mary simply sat at Christ's feet and soaked in what he had to say.  What I have learned through the study is that kitchen service IS important, but work needs to be in conjuncture with intimacy with God.  I enjoy the work aspect of things.  My husband and I serve in junior high student ministries, we are both leaders in mens/women's ministries, and we serve in children's ministry 2xs per month for 3rd grade.  We like service, but what I realized that I was lacking in intimacy with God.  I enjoy being in his word daily, but my prayer life has a lot of room for growth, and I often serve out of routine rather than out of love for the Lord.  I have been a Martha.  

Now we are approaching a time that will have challenges, will not always be easy, but will grow me. My husband works for Chick-Fil-A and in July he will be applying for an Interim Manager program in hopes of one day becoming an owner/operator of his own store.  We are heading into a time where we will want something with all of our hearts, but will have no control over the outcome.  While I think that my husband will make an incredible owner/operator, I am not the one that will decide on whether or not he gets accepted into the program or gets his own store down the road.

I am currently reading Galatians and Paul is talking to the church about walking in faith and the freedom from Christ rather than trying to blend the law with the Gospel.  This has really hit me, because faith is not something that we as believers are able to have for salvation and then walk by works on our own accord.  Faith is something that we have to choose to walk in daily.  It needs to be apart of everything we do.

Now is a time that I need to decide to walk in faith, know that God is sovereign, rejoice in the fact that his plans are always better than mine, and as a result grow in intimacy with Christ.  My anxieties and worries are not gone.  They are just something that I am going to have to take captive daily and decide to trust the Lord instead.  It is not going to be an easy time, but I cannot express in words how excited I am to see what God is going to do inside of me.  It is such a blessing to have to rely on God.  While I love having control over everything and life being easy is fantastic, nothing is better than closeness and intimacy with the Lord.  So as our family grows and we prayerfully go down this new road, I am choosing to be a Mary.  I am choosing to sit at Jesus's feet and give him complete control.  I do not know where life will lead, but I am choosing to walk by faith and not by sight.