For God so Loved the World

Our little man is now 6 weeks old.  I love him so much, and it grows daily.  I am nervous that my heart may explode by week 10, because it is beginning to get out of hand.  I even love his cute little cry.  He makes the most adorable face when he cries, and it melts my heart.  I have been married to my husband, Joel, for two years and we have been together seven.  I have a deeper love for him, and I hope that I always will.  I love my husband more than any other person.

Yet, the type of love that I feel for my two men is very different.  My love that I have for my husband is rooted in a deep respect and admiration for him as a son of God, leader, man, husband, and now father. It is an intimate love, both emotionally and physically.  If I could sum up my love for my son in one word, it would be protective.  I have never felt a desire to protect someone this strongly in my entire life.  He has changed me to my core.  We went on a family walk two days ago and my husband was carrying Jimmy.  A car started backing up towards them, and I immediately moved to the car side without blinking.  It was not a thought.  It was an unconscious response to a threatening stimulus.  I would give my life for him.  I would do anything to keep him from harm.  He is priceless.

This revelation of how it feels to be a parent has rocked me.  Most of us can quote John 3:16 if we have been in the church world for any length of time.  We can spew it out without giving it any thought, because we have become numb to its power.  The gospel message of God sending his son into the world as a BABY for the sole purpose of dying a terrible death and rising from that grave in order to save the very sinners that put him there has new meaning to me now that I am a parent.  I am not capable of this.  We are made in the image of God. Virtually all parents feel the need to protect their children.  This is a feeling that we get from our father in heaven.  He felt protective over his son, but he gave him regardless.

"For God so loved the world..." is not something to spew out of our mouths without giving those powerful words thought, reverence, and praise.  Those words should bring us to our knees every single time we hear them.  It is a saving love, if we accept it and make him Lord of our lives.  That is a love that I am not capable of understanding, but am so thankful that I have received.  I praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead.  God gave us his son out of love, and Jesus paid it all.

     

Adding a Love of your Life While Protecting Another

May 10 something fantastic happened.  The Lord blessed us, and Joel and I increased our family number by one.  James Matthew Kimberly was added to our home and our hearts.  He is amazing.  My love for him increases daily.  He is 5 weeks old tomorrow.  In that time I have spent a total of 2.5 hrs apart from him.  I have enjoyed virtually every moment with him since he has been born minus a couple crying sessions that got to me.

Biblically our priorities as believers are supposed to be...

1. God
2. Spouse
3. Children

This is contrary to what our culture tells us, which is

1.  Children
2. Children
3. Children
4. Children
5. Self
6. Spouse
7. God Who?

I have always looked at that cultural phenomenon, and said that I would never fall into this boat.  I have an awesome relationship with my husband.  He is an incredible man, and it is really just easy 99.9% of the time.  We get along great.  We have shared interests.  We are both big quality time people, and have always made this a priority.  We have a monthly marriage meeting where we discuss the good, bad, and ugly along with what we are going to do to change those areas that need improvement.  We write it all down in our marriage binder.

However, I am beginning to realize that these ideal priorities have just become even more challenging.  I have often placed my husband above God in this line-up, which ultimately shoots me in the foot.  I love Joel much better when he is second to God.  Nothing increases my capacity for love like Jesus Christ.  God IS love.  Now I am going to have to guard against putting Jimmy in that number 1 slot and dropping God down even lower then before.

New Challenges With My Relationship With God:

• Less time
• Less sleep
• Fewer ministries during the week 
• Difficult to get through a full church service without baby requiring attention

Challenges with my relationship with my husband include the following... 

• Less sleep.  Shorter fuze.  More emotional.  
• Cannot go on one on one dates yet.  
• I am home with the little man all day and know how to calm him better due to this.  I told Joel what to do all of the time as a result to my "knowledge" for most of this time.   
• He does things differently than I do, which makes me want to correct him.  
• The 6 week rule

I am learning that my marriage is going to be less easy from now on.  We are both going to have to be more intentional with our time, our words, and our actions.  I know that God knows best though.  Just like I love Joel best when he is second to God, I know that I will love Jimmy best if he is third to God and Joel.  This is going to be a new and exciting learning process.  We are newbies at this and I hope that I will be able to add to this list exponentially in the future, but here are the few things what I have learned so far in this new journey...

• Make time to be in the word and in prayer no matter what.  I do it during his nighttime feeding, because that is when everything is quiet and still.  Joel and I also like to be in the word together, and we cannot procrastinate this into our night, because it often will not happen.  
• I need to ask Joel for help if I need to get extra sleep.  I initially did not want to short his sleep at all because I am on my maternity leave and he works his butt off at work.  However, the little sleep that I was running on caught up after a couple of weeks, and it made me unpleasant.
• I need to let Joel figure out how to calm him down on his own and let him do things differently.  
• I need to seek out new ways to have quality time at home.  (Stroller walks, staying up 15-20 minutes later than Jimmy and hanging out, etc...) 
• We both need to increase our flexibility.  Sometimes we will be late, and that will not kill us.  

Our new addition is SO amazing.  I love life more every week.  I just need to make sure that while I am getting something new, I do not start the slow and long process of distancing myself from something even more important.